Hello Jess,I thoroughly enjoyed your portfolio story of Hectic Recess. This is a story I am somewhat familiar with due to reading other people’s posts on it as well as watching Chicken Little. I have to say you made it very interesting by making the trigger for thinking the world was falling apart was the sound made by the ball hitting the swing. I think this would definitely make a loud sound and would scare a child who already attributed the sky falling down to a loud noise. I also love how you started with the younger grades that eventually influenced the older grades that the earth was falling apart. I think this is significant because of the trust the older kids must have had in the truth of what was being said, even though they should have known better. I figure it is probably easier for fifth graders to convince third graders than it is third graders to convince fifth graders. I think your version as well as the original does a good job on highlighting the group mentality that takes place in a panic event. Good job on the story!
Hi Jess!I read your story of the Hectic Recess and I loved your creativity. I loved the story of The Timid, Foolish Rabbit, and my first portfolio creation was also based on this story. I think the story was really creative and was fun to put my own twist on, and I can see you had fun with it too! I loved the idea behind the kids being at recess worried about a comment their parents had made to them, as well as what the older kids were influencing them to think. This was really creative to me because of how little kids are very trusting of what older kids and adults tell them, and also tend to take things very literally. Another thing that I liked about your story was the paragraph spacing, it made for an easy read. Overall, I loved getting to read this story and thought it was really cute!
Hi Jess!I really like the imagery you used to describe Billy’s version of the world falling apart in the Hectic Recess story. I could imagine small pieces of sky falling down and how scary that must seem for a kid. I also really liked your version of the story. I also chose to post this as my first story on my portfolio, but had a completely different take. I think that using elementary school kids as a setting was a great idea. This makes the story easy to relate to. We have all been kids and know that things don’t exactly make sense when you are that age. And sometimes rational thinking isn’t a developed skill yet. I laughed when the teacher said that sometimes parents dramatic. My son tells me that all the time!! A lot of times I will use figures of speech when talking and to an adult, it’s a normal part of conversation. But to a kid who takes things literally, I can see where that might be confusing. Like the case with this story, “the world is falling apart”.When you pointed out that the story started with the smallest animal and worked up to the larger animals, I didn’t catch that part of the story. I went back and re-read the original story. Great catch on this! I think that tid bit brings another element to the story and adds validity to the mob mentality. Great job with this story!
Hey Jess! I read your portfolio when it had the stories "The Hectic Recess" and "A Family Business". I liked your website and liked both stories!The first story I read was "The Hectic Recess". I also really enjoyed The Foolish, Timid Rabbit and it reminded me of Chicken Little immediately when I first read it. I really like that you converted the story to people; it's cool that the story can apply to animals and humans. I also really like that you started with first graders and worked your way up the chain to the fifth graders. Like you said, you get a chain reaction when people are acting emotionally.The next story I read was "A Family Business". The first comment I have is just a small grammar thing: you accidentally typed "sisters" instead of "sisters". Autocorrect does that to me all the time. But I really liked your story! I thought it was really creative that you maintained the original story's main plot point, but created a whole new plot. I wonder if, in your story, Bart does become CEO, or if something unexpected happens and he doesn't become CEO.
I meant to type "sister's", not hit the return button.
Hi Jess! First off, I really like the way your site looks. They layout on the homepage is simple and clean and the story pages are very easy to read. I also really like the banner image that you've selected. It gives the entire page a fun and easy going feel. Another thing that I rally liked was the in-depth Author's Notes on your stories. Speaking of, you really captured the frantic nature of mob mentality on Hectic Recess. I love the image of the small children panicking and that hysteria spreading. In A Family Business I love the little detail explaining Martha's hatred for Ray. That was super clever. What made you decide to go the Portfolio route with your project? I think the only suggestion I have is to maybe add some sort of introduction onto the homepage. Other than that, I really like what you've done so far.
Hi Jess!I read you recess story last week and was glad to see your feed pop back up in my list of stories to read this week for feedback! This week I read your family business story. I think you did a great job bringing this story into a more modern feel. I read in your author’s note that you made the wives sisters and took the father-son relationship away. I thought this was an interesting twist. One thing I did have questions about or maybe something you can expand on is the Halloween party. What could have been so scandals about this party that would require a favor so big that The CEO would change his mind about his choice of successor? Or what did Keana do to deserve such a favor?Overall, I enjoyed your rendition of this story. Being named CEO of a company is usually a big deal and I could see some shady, underhanded dealings happening to get one person or another named for that spot. This was a great setting for this story.
Hello Jess, This story was very cute! It was very believable that a child would take something that we as adults know is a hyperbole. It was also very believable that the other children would also fall for the world is ending. I definitely got Chicken Little vibes from this story. I wrote this comment before reading the note at the end but I am so glad I got the feeling that you were going for. I enjoyed the pictures that you choose I think it sets an atmosphere that isn’t necessarily described in the story. I never even thought of the mob mentality aspect but you are right it doesn’t matter who started it if there is enough people to join in then it will gain some traction. I do think you could add some more thematic elements to the story. Like when the kickball hits the swing set, having a descriptive sound. I think dramatizing it will make this story just that much better. Overall great website and story.
Hi Jess! I read both of your stories and I really enjoyed them. The first story was hilarious. I just loved that a small child took a ball striking the swing-set to mean that the world was ending. It seems exactly like something that a child would do. I can't really think of any suggestions for you at the moment. I do appreciate all the pictures, I think it helps us picture the scene and reinforce the image we have in our mind. I also enjoyed your other story. I think it was a well-written modern take on Rama getting the throne taken from him. I never liked that old woman who dethroned Rama because she had a grudge against him. She manipulated the other queen into pushing for her son to be on the throne. I have to give credit to Rama though, he took it surprisingly well. Great work!
Hi Jess, I like the look of your portfolio so far. It looks similar to mine actually but I like your home page with a link to each story. After reading both of your stories I think my favorite was "The Hectic Recess". I have read many versions of this tale and yours is the best I have read so far. I could really relate to a child thinking that the sky was falling because of misunderstanding his parents. I think you stuck to original tale very well with all of the grades following and each looking to the next for answers.For your story "All in the Family" I liked the concept of changing it to a business. I would have loved to read more about what Keana did that such a big favor could be owed. I wondered in the end too if she had succeeded or not. Overall I enjoyed both of your stories very much!
Hi Jess! I really enjoyed looking through your portfolio. Since Dr. Gibbs asked us to look at some formal and design considerations this week, that's what my comment will focus on. First, I think that the text you use is very clean, and I like that it is large and easy to read. However, on your homepage, I think that it would look better to have all three of your story titles/links and images one one line, horizontal, instead of vertically stacking them. This makes it easier for the viewer to browse what you have on your site. Also, I think that a similar concern comes up with the layout of your three stories. In each of your stories, you have two columns: one for the image and one for the text. The text gets pushed to the right side of the screen and becomes hard to read. Maybe, if you can, have the text wrap around the image so that there isn't so much white space where the reader expects the text to be? Good luck with revisions!
Hi Jess! First I would like to say that I really like the layout of the website that you are using. I like how the story tabs are labeled out on the top and then you can also scroll through the different stories on just the home page. I think one thing is the comment wall link on the story is a little hidden and doesn't just jump out. The story that I read was about the family tree and I'm glad that I am not the only one that struggles with keeping up with all the different characters. I like your idea of writing about the family tree to try and help yourself remember the characters better. I like how in the story you added more information in the sentences to help explain what is going on a little more; for instance, when you described who Ambika and Ambalika were. I feel the story was written in a easy way to follow when reading, I just think there a few parts that need to be reworded or rearranged to help with the flow of the story.
Hello Jess,I really like the homepage of your portfolio. I appreciate how you organized the links to each story with an image and its title. You also did a great job with the banner; the same blue banner gives a commonality to the whole portfolio.Reading your first story, I was able to recognize which Jakata you based your story off of. Your story had a great modern twist to it, which made me relate to the story better than the original story. Your incorporation of dialogue makes the story that much more engaging and lively. Moreover, your author's note did a great job explaining and paralleling the original Jakata and your rendition. Even though I knew that you had based your story off of "The Foolish Timid Rabbit," your explanation further clarified your point of view. I also agree that the Jakata reminded me of Chicken Little. Lastly, I want to add that the multiple images you included in the first story was nice touch. The reader is able to visualize the story better with the various images you provided. I look forward to reading more stories with a modern twist written by you.
Hey Jess! I was excited to get to revisit your portfolio since I have not been here in a few weeks! It looks like the only story that got added since I was last here was "Meet the Family". I really liked the idea of this story explaining the Mahabharata family tree because it got so confusing. I think you did a good job of explaining who is who. Your story would be very useful to have while reading the Mahabharata. I spent the last week reading more on the Mahabharata and learned more about the curses/poor circumstances that led to the family being so confusing and the Mahabharata definitely makes more sense when you take this into account. The only way I can think of improving your story is to rework the second sentence of your third paragraph a little more. Overall, this was a great portfolio of stories and I am glad that I got to read it all!
Hi Jess!Back again for more reading! I like the look of your blog. It’s very clean and easy to navigate. The only thing that I might suggest, is that you make your comment wall more visible. It’s very small at the bottom of the page and if you don’t scroll all the way down, you don’t see it. I almost missed it. Other than that, it looks great. This week I read the Meet the Family story. I really liked how you told it from Parikshit’s point of view. I think this add a feeling of whimsy to it. The paragraph about Pandu is a little confusing because there are so many names and sons and yeah….I had to read it a few times to get the gist of it. But I do like towards the end how you added a personal touch from the narrator of the story (myself included). However, at the very end, you write that his family is complicated. I think this perfect sums up the Pandavas and the Kauravas. Overall, great job with this story.