There was once an extremely wealthy family that consisted of a husband, a wife, a daughter and a son.
One day, the husband got extremely drunk and started to gamble with his brother. Before he knew it, he had gambled everything he owned away. His house, his cars, his money, and all his possessions. All that he had left was his wife and his children. When he returned to his wife to tell her, she just took a deep breath and was determined to fix the mistakes her husband has made.
Immediately, she knew began to work to fix the problem. She allowed her children to stay at her grandparents house so they wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of her husband's actions. The two of them moved into an extremely small studio apartment to try and live off the few dollars they managed to get.
Then, one morning, she woke up to find her husband completely gone. Instead of going to find him, the wife moved on. She packed up all her things and stopped paying rent on the studio apartment. She then moved back in with her parents and save money for her family there.
Months later, she heard a rumor that her husband was a nearby Uber driver. First, to test the theory, she let her two children take an Uber to the nearby store. The man was disguised but after a few questions, then children were quickly able to tell that the man was in fact their father.
Hearing the news, the wife rolled her eyes and let her husband be an Uber driver for another week before making her move. She then simply ordered an Uber to the next the local store. The whole drive, she let her husband keep up his act and it wasn't until she reached the store she finally revealed she knew it was him the whole time. She asked if he would like to come back and live with her instead of pretending he was no longer around.
He acted all embarrassed and begged for her forgiveness, but she remained strong and ignored his words and once again invited him to live with the family again. He finally accepted and they worked together as a family to get all their fortune back.
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| Family from Source |
Author's Note:
I read the story of Damayanti and really liked how she kept preserving through the hard times but I didn't like how weak she came across in the story. I liked how she was supportive of him and loved him regardless, but he did her wrong over and over again and never complaining. So in my rewrite I made the wife (Damayanti) a lot stronger. The original story was Damayanti from Nine Ideal Indian Women
Hi Jess! I liked your portrayal of Damayanti. I appreciated the addition of a modern setting and narrative. I liked that your story was clear and precise. It was easy to follow. The one suggestion I would make is the title. I believe it would be “A Smart Woman” and not women because you are only talking about one person here. Overall, great story! I look forward to reading more of your writing!
ReplyDeleteHello Jess,
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I noticed was the title I think you want the singular version woman and not the plural version women. I don't know why the part where the husband was an Uber driver was funny but I definitely chuckled at that part.
I was a little confused on this sentence "She then simply ordered an Uber to the next the local store."
Other than that I like how you allowed the woman to be strong in the story. Especially when I feel like a common theme in the these stories are the women being strong but also being presented as background characters.
Hi Jess. I really enjoyed your story. I thought it was an interesting take on this part of the story in the Mahabharata. I love the fact that his wife in this version decided to raise money for her children and worked to provide for them, and eventually let the husband back in. One suggestion I have for you, I think in the title you mean Woman? Woman is the singular form and women is plural. You could also try reading your stories aloud, it helps to catch some of the minor things. Great work though, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHi Jess! I'm glad that in the conclusion the woman was able to reveal the husband and she allowed him to redeem himself for the sake of their family. I wonder if you considered writing this from a first person perspective? I think it would be very intriguing to be able to have an account of the details of the characters thoughts and feelings in a more intimate way. You could also then add some dialogue if you wished. I think that might add a little drama to your story! But either way, very compelling story of forgiveness!
ReplyDelete